30+ Smokey And The Bandit Quotes

For those who love Smokey And The Bandit as much as we do…we give you 30+ Smokey And The Bandit quotes for your enjoyment.  Some of the quotes below probably are not politically correct enough to use around the office so proceed with caution.

Buford T. Justice:
Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?

Sheriff Branford:
I AM Sheriff Branford.

Buford T. Justice:
Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.

Buford T. Justice:
Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I’m in a god-damn hurry.

Buford T. Justice:
There’s no way, no WAY that you came from my loins.

Buford T. Justice:
I’m gonna barbecue your ass in molasses.

Buford T. Justice:
This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin’ around with those show folk fags.

Big Enos:
Son, you’re looking at a legend.

Little Enos:
I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.

Buford T. Justice:
What the hell is the world coming to?

Buford T. Justice:
You sum-bitches couldn’t close an umbrella.

Buford T. Justice:
There is no way, NO way that you came from my loins. The first thing I’m gonna do when I get home is punch your momma in the mouth.

Buford T. Justice:
What we’re dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

Sheriff Branford:
The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.

Buford T. Justice:
The god damn Germans got nothin’ to do with it.

Buford T. Justice:
And don’t go home, and don’t go to eat, and don’t play with yourself. It wouldn’t look nice on my highway.

Buford T. Justice:
Now, you can THINK about it… but don’t do it!

Buford T. Justice:
That’s an attention-getter.

Junior:
My hat blew off, daddy.

Buford T. Justice:
I hope your goddamn head was in it.

Buford T. Justice:
Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum’s pecker.

Junior:
Except for that…

Buford T. Justice:
Shut your ass.

Buford T. Justice:
Duck, or you’ll be talkin’ out your ass.

Bandit:
Oh I love your suits. It must have been a bitch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.

Carrie:
You have a great profile.

Bandit:
Yeah, I do, don’t I? Especially from the side.

Carrie:
Well, at least we agree on something.

Bandit:
Yeah. We both like half of my face.

Buford T. Justice:
You sum bitch. You did that on purpose. You’re going away ’till you’re gray. I got the evidence.

Bandit:
What the hell was that?

Carrie:
A left. Or a half a U.

Bandit:
Now, gettin’ to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that’s no problem.

Little Enos:
It ain’t never been done before, hot shit.

Bandit:
Watch your language, little lady.

Little Enos:
Well, if you can’t do it…

Bandit:
That’s real good psychology. Why don’t you say something bad about my mother?

Little Enos:
Your momma is so ugly…

Carrie:
I think I’m in love with your belt buckle.

Carrie:
Don’t you ever take off that stupid hat?

Bandit:
I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only.

Carrie:
Oh…

Carrie:
Take your hat off.

Carrie:
I mean, If you want to…

Bandit:
I want to.

Buford T. Justice:
Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!

Buford T. Justice:
You want something?

Junior:
Hush puppies, daddy.

Buford T. Justice:
We don’t got time for that crap! Dumb sumbitch!

Junior:
Daddy! Wait! Who’s gonna hold your hat?

Cledus Snow:
Whoa!

Cledus Snow:
I just passed another Kojack with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?

Bandit:
Snowman, you got your ears on?

Cledus Snow:
You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?

Bandit:
You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?

Buford T. Justice:
You bet your ass on that, boy.

Carrie:
Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer… named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.

Bandit:
And?

Carrie:
One day, I came home and found him in the shower… with a girl… and her mother!

Bandit:
Well, at least he kept it in the family.

Bandit:
Cledus, get the money.

Little Enos:
How ’bout double or nothin’?

Bandit:
Wait a minute. What about double or nothin’?

Little Enos:
You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy.

Carrie:
You’re on.

Bandit:
Uh, you’re on.

Big Enos:
In 18 hours?

Bandit:
You’re still on.

Bandit:
Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.

Buford T. Justice:
Who there?

Bandit:
This is Bandit Darville talkin’.

Buford T. Justice:
Where are you, you sombitch?

Bandit:
Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there’s just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, ’cause I’ve been chased by the best of them, and son, you make ’em look like they’re all runnin’ in slow motion. I just wanna say that.

Buford T. Justice:
Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you’re the goddamnedest pursuee I’ve ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

Bandit:
What do you think they do for excitement in this town?

Cledus Snow:
Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

Cledus Snow:
Besides, I can’t go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.

Bandit:
Um, shitty job.

Cledus Snow:
Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain’t never been done before.

Bandit:
That’s cause *we* ain’t never done it.

Cledus Snow:
Suppose we don’t make it?

Bandit:
Hey, we ain’t never not made it before, have we?

Bandit:
I’m goin’ to need a fast car.

Bandit:
Faster than that.

Little Enos:
I’d like to kick his ass just one time.

Waynette Snow:
No, Bandit! Not this time! Cledus is not goin’ with you! He got in enough trouble last time! Dammit, Bandit, look at me when I’m talking to you!

Bandit:
I find it hard to look at you, Waynette. With all those curlers in your hair, you look like you’re tryin’ to pick up a radio station in Savannah.

Bandit:
For the good old American life: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun… mostly for the money.

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